Comment - A learning experience

Steven D Wright learnt something about himself at the Broadcast Awards

Like Jade Goody, I too have learnt something about myself thanks to television. To be more accurate, it was actually from attending the Broadcast Awards last week as a hopeful nominee. And while I didn't discover I was a horrible racist bully, I did discover some harsh truths.

As the evening went on and I realised I hadn't won, I became more sullen and morose, with only a few bitter ejaculations of venom at the winners' expense to lighten the mood. However, like Jade, I have learnt to accept it philosophically. And, like her, have decided to open my heart via the press and share it with you, dear readers (and hope that I still have your love and support).

Of course, the awards weren't a total washout and I did enjoy getting drunk with telly's great and the good. And, amid the free champagne and morsels of gossip being handed around, I learnt several juicy titbits about telly's topics du jour (what's really going on at Five, what really happened behind the scenes at Jade's eviction, etc).

I discovered more insights about my own personality when Stuart Murphy revealed to onlookers that I had accidentally 'exposed' myself to him some 10 years before. Embarrassingly, I had no recollection of this but was quite chuffed that the image of my flaccid penis had lodged in Stuart's mind for more than a decade - and it probably explains why he never commissioned me at BBC3.

But far and away the most revealing insight came when I bumped into one of my old friends, Sharon Powers, now a big cheese at Endemol and one of the people behind Celebrity Big Brother. She was looking glamorous and as I leaned in for the customary 'mwah mwah' kiss, I complimented her, adding 'you racist bitch!' for good measure. Sharon, of course, looked annoyed and more than a little bored by this - but I was ecstatic with self-righteousness. In my cheap jibe, I had outdone the tabloids and spoken directly to Big Brother. Who needs to burn effigies when you can just insult someone powerful instead? One advantage of hanging around with the movers and shakers is that you get to deliver your own opinions uncensored right into their brain. Of course it was totally unfair and, like Jade, I did immediately apologise, then afterwards wondered if I should have whispered, 'Sack Davina - she's rubbish,' instead, but, hey-ho, I only had a split second to make my choice.

Of course, this phenomenon of someone drunkenly spouting their opinions of TV is one of the occupational hazards of being a bigwig. Like GPs at a dinner party, TV bosses in mixed company soon learn to say nothing about their job in case it all kicks off and some drunk leans in with their two pennyworth.

But then I suppose that's better than someone getting their cock out. Isn't it?
Steven D Wright is Shine creative director, entertainment