Comment: My debt to telly

Steven D Wright thinks he has learnt life's lessons from watching TV in his living room

Even though I left home over 24 years ago, I still remember the vicious arguments I used to have with my mum regarding my excessive TV watching - and I often think of how my life would have turned out had I followed her constant advice to switch off, sample fresh air and run around a bit in the 'outdoors'. Even now, all these years later, I remain proud of my life-long obsession with telly. After all it's made me the man I am today - an obese, friendless loner who gets Xmas cards from his local cab company and the Indian takeaway.

So you can imagine my delight to discover research from some boffins at Rochester University in New York, which proves that playing computer games and watching TV actually improves your eyesight and your brain function too. See mum - I was right all along…

Of course, I hardly have to tell you, dear Broadcastreader, of the value of watching telly till your eyes bleed, although it sometimes comes as a surprise just how much an average week's viewing can teach you. I recently depleted my Sky+ in a weekend orgy of viewing and it was like cramming in a term at college.

For example, who needs to attend those boring management training courses when you can watch Ugly Betty? After a couple of back-to-back episodes, I realised that I too have been guilty of mistreating my personal assistant, Victoria, especially when I recently greeted the sight of her pregnant bump with the words, 'Hey, Fatty!'

And who needs to risk going outside with all those scary young people when you can tune into E4's new teen drama, Skins? It seems I am having much less sex and drugs than the average 16 year-old in Bristol (for some reason, I really empathise with Sid, the nerdy loser who cannot shake off his virginity and fully expect to be hiring him in a few years - and reading his column in Broadcasta few years after that). More teen life was revealed on BBC3 this week in Teens Hooked on Porn- and I look forward to future episodes entitled Bears - Do They Shit in the Woods?And The Pope - Is He Really a Catholic?

Finally, who needs to study the law when you can catch Jeffrey Archer being all concerned on The Verdict? Although I've learnt more about the legal process thanks to Tracy's perfect murder in Coronation Street. Incidentally, I've realised Corrie set designers could teach the architects behind Grand Designsa thing or two about making use of space - well, how else could they fit six adults (Ken, Deirdre, Blanche, Adam, Peter and Tracy) and Amy the baby into Ken Barlow's two-bed terraced house?

So you see, mother dearest, TV is better than reading a book or running around in the park. And who needs friends anyway?
Steven D Wright is creative director, entertainment at Shine