“Hitchcockian levels of tension.” Read on for the verdict on last night’s TV.

Silent Witness

Silent Witness, BBC1

“If you weren’t hiding behind a bank of cushions during these tense moments, truly you have nerves of steel.”
Tim Teeman, The Times

“Surprisingly well done – Hitchcockian levels of tension as students cowered in classrooms while a hooded assailant stalked the corridors outside and a forensic expert watched the whole affair, impotently, from the CCTV screens in the dean’s office.”
Matt Baylis, Daily Express

Skins, E4

“I know everyone loves it, it is full of British youthful promise, but all it makes me do – all its supposed grittiness, its streetwise sass, its cocksure gesturing – is mourn Dawson’s Creek. Or yearn for 90210, that shallow puddle is better than this overhyped bore.”
Tim Teeman, The Times

Secret Diary of a Call Girl, ITV2

“The writers and producers want to make this a British Sex and the City, but there’s something about watching loads of soft-focus sex where money is being exchanged that kind of invalidates all the fun.”
Tim Teeman, The Times

“A light, frothy concoction, a cheesy soufflé. If you think it is terrible, you should try watching Material Girl. That’ll teach you.”
Nancy Banks Smith, The Guardian

Build a New Life in the Country, Channel 4

“Problem after problem emerged and little progress was made… Months after their self-prescribed deadline the work was still floundering. Nothing seemed to be moving forward. And that’s how we left them. Heigh-ho.”
Alice-Azania Jarvis, The Independent

“A classic mismatch of stars and gutter.”
Matt Baylis, Daily Express

Material Girl, BBC1

“If they don’t find a new plot line for new week I may have to tune out: how many times can we watch Ali come perilously close to reputational and financial ruin… The edge of my seat is looking increasingly distant.”
Alice-Azania Jarvis, The Independent

EastEnders, BBC1

“It was a perfect EastEnders funeral – bury one Mitchell, get another one free.”
Nancy Banks Smith, The Guardian

Bellamy’s People, BBC2

“I’m rather partial to Bellamy’s People… The star of this episode was the posh black character Aubrey Duboisson (Felix Dexter).”
Nancy Banks Smith, The Guardian

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