Show me you care
There are big things like contracts and their billing, but keeping your talent sweet is also based on demonstrations of love and affection for the performer in question. This can range from fresh flowers in dressing rooms or a note of thanks when the show wins another award. Showing you care can also include mugging up on the stars' interests so you can talk easily over lunch at The Ivy. On a less fawning level, making an appearance at the studio to watch a show does wonders for the broadcaster/talent relationship. Former ITV network director and ex-Granada director of entertainment Marcus Plantin says: "Every day controllers should rehearse the mantra - TLC, TLC, TLC."
Who is holding my hand?
A more extreme syndrome of showing that you care is when the TV executives become a "quasi-family" to the celebrities. The most famous example of this was when Michael Barrymore's production team joined him at Christmas so he did not have to spend it alone, or when LWT helped organise the funeral of Cilla Black's husband, Bobby. Another time when the quasi-family is called upon is when a star is faced with a personal crisis in the press - think Matthew Kelly. Quasi-families engender such a degree of loyalty that the star turn feels pretty bad about taking his talent elsewhere. As one entertainment player says: "Apart from lunch at The Ivy how many of today's executives are saying to their talent: 'You are my special baby-kid'." In addition, channel controllers need to be charismatic and charming minders to keep talent happy. Plantin says: "Controllers can't be tall, thin accountant types - they have to be fun people." They also need the authority to flash the chequebook around. Nevertheless, these guys can upset the applecart if they become TV presenters in their own right, such as Nigel Lythgoe, thus threatening the ego of their charges.
Don't make the kids jealous
When you have a stable of top talent, make sure you don't frighten the other horses by giving one act extra special attention. When you announce a big, exclusive talent deal, its cost tends to leak out to the press. As a result, your other A-listers may feel undervalued and become vulnerable to an episode of talent rustling from a rival broadcaster. Ensure key talent is invited to high-profile awards and other jollies. "Woe betide you if one star gets an invite and the other doesn't," says Plantin.
Give me the slot that I want
Parkinson famously defected from the BBC to ITV in 2004 after losing his 10pm Saturday night slot on BBC1 to Match of the Day. ITV offered him the right slot and used another key talent retention tool - the employ my offspring technique - which saw Parky's own son Mike brought in as a producer. A variation of this golden rule is not axing shows that include your top talent. When Hugh Laurie's Fortysomething drama was dropped in 2003 relations between him and the broadcaster soured.
Do the sums
If you are faced with the prospect of losing one of your most valuable luvvies do the math, as they say in the US. Work out how much money you reckon you would lose if the star were to walk away (including how difficult it will be to replace him or her), then throw cash at the star in buckets. You could link this in with another broadcasting maxim - sometimes the star is bigger than the show.
Apply the golden handcuffs
If you are sure you want a particular star then why not shackle this person to the company's bedposts? ITV famously used to nail down most of its key performers, from Cilla Black to Ross Kemp and Robson Green to stop them going anywhere else. Broadcasters have largely cut down on these deals so as not to be lumbered with talent for which they can't find appropriate work, but Ant and Dec and Simon Cowell are firmly cuffed to ITV. O'Grady, it transpires, wasn't.
Get my new contract sorted
It's a question of deeds not words. According to some well-placed sources O'Grady was annoyed by ITV's sluggishness in sorting out the new contract for the show and interpreted it as lack of respect. Meanwhile, C4 made him feel like a million dollars with its impatience to sign him up. If you love someone, then renew the show even while the current series is still on air. As one entertainment guru told Broadcast: "Imagine how invidious it is for the production company to keep saying: 'We love you, we want you but we have still not sorted the contract.'"
Let me produce/direct
If you are desperate to keep your tempestuous turns on board then you might have to let them make the show. TV's big hitting divas and doyens increasingly feel they should be calling the shots on their own shows. One of the reasons Trisha went to Five was that Granada wanted to keep her on an exclusive contract and she wanted to make shows through her new company, Town House TV Productions. O'Grady apparently resented not being allowed to make his show through his own company, Wildflower. Another great sop to the talent tizzy is handing out roles behind the camera. David Jason has directed for ITV, while Sarah Lancashire directed an afternoon play for the BBC. ITV's top entertainment duo Ant and Dec get an executive producer credit on Saturday Night Takeaway.
Keep me informed
If you are poised to exploit the hell out of a brand that is largely based around your star turn, then you should ensure that face doesn't feel exploited. Keep the star informed when launching additional products. Get him or her involved in what the cover of the DVD looks like or the latest book spin-off. The last thing a precious performer wants is to see a product he or she didn't know about.
Give me the top talent
Top talent deserves the top producers. According to some insiders one of the factors behind Richard and Judy's move from ITV was that they felt the top talent kept moving on from the show. As a result they got frustrated with the producers. This also includes giving your big guns the top PR publicists to handle their affairs and protect them from the slings and arrows of negative publicity. Former ITV director of programmes David Liddiment says: "In my experience relationships count for less than money, but they do have a value. If an artist feels safe with a producer it will inform the line he takes."
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