As Dawn Porter prepares to make her debut stand-up performance this Sunday at the Edinburgh International TV Festival, she just needs one more thing – jokes.

I would like to take this opportunity to say to anyone who has walked behind me, sat near me on a bus, or pulled up alongside me in a car over the past week that I am not mad.

Yes, I was talking to myself, but not just inane chitter chatter. I was rehearsing. I am always rehearsing. This stand up set is like an obsession, I live with it, sleep with it, breathe it, and if I could I would eat it. Come to think of it, what on earth did I think about before I agreed to do this? Oh yes, my life!

Anyway, life is on hold for one more week, the gig is this Sunday and I am neeeaaarrrly ready. The set is simple, about me and not ‘obvious’. I don’t think.

I have two or three stories that I think are funny, they contain a few good lines and there are opportunities to ad lib if I feel brave enough. The only worry now is that I freeze and don’t say it, which would be a damn shame because I really do want this to go well.

I can’t work out if the ‘TV industry’ is a good audience for my first time or not.

Obviously there is the small matter of them being the people who have control of my career, but they also know how hard this is and so they might - I said might - be a little more compassionate than a pub full of general public. No? No, you’re right. That was just bollocks. This might possibly be the toughest audience known to man.  Excellent.

I’m sorry, why am I doing this again?

I called Gail Porter this week, as she is doing it too. I have never spoken to Gail before but I have been called Gail well over 3,946,926,982 times throughout my career.

My hairdressers receptionist called me Gail last week, and once I arrived at the GMTV studios I had to convince the researcher that I had been booked because:

  • she was expecting Gail;
  • had Gail written down on her piece of paper;
  • quite frankly seemed to be a little bit in love with Gail;
  • was extremely disappointed that it was me not her.

Whilst on the phone, Gail and I both agreed that if nothing else comes for this at least people will have seen us standing next to each other and can finally get it into their heads that we are not the same person. That alone would be a great result.

Anyway, I shall sign off and continue to talk to myself… I mean rehearse. I am excited, I really am.

Oh, one last thing, just in case. Anyone got any jokes?

Dawn Porter is performing stand up as part of The Last Laugh Session at the MediaGuardian Edinburgh International Television Festival.

For tickets and further information please go to